6,000 Runners Fail To Discover Cure For Breast Cancer & Other Onion Highlights

We are busy rolling out the virtual pink carpet in anticipation of tomorrow’s MAAM Major Award announcement. Thanks to all who entered or nominated others. While the IHBC  Foundation doesn’t impose any acceptance speech limitations, Twitter does, so start working on 140 meaningful characters!

Here are some MAAM-type stories we have enjoyed from The Onion

6,000 Runners Fail To Discover Cure For Breast Cancer

ATLANTA—Despite their diligent, dedicated running, the 6,000-plus participants in Sunday’s 5K Race For The Cure did not find a cure for breast cancer.

Enlarge ImageRace For The Cure runners take off in search of a breast-cancer cure.

Hopes were high, given the excellent weather and record turnout for the 11th annual event, but no viable cure for the disease was discovered along the 3.1-mile course.

“We were particularly hopeful of locating the cure somewhere around the two-and-a-half-mile mark,” race organizer Jill Broadbent said. “At that point, the route goes right past Northside Hospital and within a block of several Emory University oncology facilities. That seemed the most promising place to perhaps spot a breast-cancer cure. Regrettably, the runners were unable to do more than momentarily glimpse in researchers’ windows as they passed by.”

via 6,000 Runners Fail To Discover Cure For Breast Cancer | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

Woman Mentions Participation In Cancer Walk To Cancer Patient 

DENVER—Trying to show empathy, Marilyn Rossum, 42, informed coworker and recently diagnosed breast-cancer patient Georgia Anderson, 40, that she participated in a breast-cancer walk-a-thon in 2001. “Oh, Georgia, I’m so sorry,” Rossum told Anderson upon hearing the news Monday. “A few years back, I did the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer, and there were so many brave women like you who were afflicted or survivors, and it was just so moving.” Rossum added that her efforts raised nearly $80 for breast-cancer research.

via Woman Mentions Participation In Cancer Walk To Cancer Patient | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

March Named Breast Cancer Obliviousness Month

…Television networks have joined forces with the Breast Cancer Obliviousness Foundation in support of its cause. Throughout March, CBS will air public-service announcements featuring Ray Romano delivering the slogan, “Breast Cancer: Fuhgeddaboutit!” On March 28, NBC will air a “very routine episode” of Friends in which none of the female characters are diagnosed with, or even mention, breast cancer. The episode will conclude with a phone number viewers may call to hear that evenin

via March Named Breast Cancer Obliviousness Month | The Onion

Man With Friend With Cancer ‘Going Through A Rough Time’ 

BISMARCK, ND—Three months ago, Mark Sennis received the news that everyone dreads: Ben Murphy, a friend and g’s sports scores.coworker with whom he “occasionally went out to lunch,” had been diagnosed with cancer.

Sennis, who has been suffering from having a friend with cancer since July.

“You never think you’re going to be the one,” Sennis said. “At first, I remember thinking, ‘How can this be happening to me? What have I done to deserve to have a friend with cancer?'”

via Man With Friend With Cancer ‘Going Through A Rough Time’ | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.