As per usual, I have to see my oncologist tomorrow. She always asks me about my energy level, any unexpected weight loss and any new bone pain.
While she does her exam, she often makes small talk. I never know if this is to distract me or just to make things more interesting for her. I’ve already covered the Top 10 Things I’d Like to Say to My Oncologist. So it’s only fair to consider the doctor’s side of things:
10 Things My Oncologist Will Never Say
10. Frankly, I’m stumped. With your permission, I’d like to call in that noted cancer specialist Suzanne Somers.
9. Sorry to keep you waiting. I was updating my Facebook page.
8. Just as you have long suspected, there is actually no pharmacy or pharmacist on site at this hospital. The reason it takes so long is that we actually go to Canada to buy your drugs so we can pocket the savings.
7. Sucks to be you!
6. When we’re finished here, my fellow and I are going to play H-O-R-S-E behind the parking garage. Care to join us?
5. Radiology and Pathology sent over these flowers and an apology. You don’t actually have cancer. So today’s visit is on the house.
4. Ringo is my favorite Beatle.
3. Hey, perfect checkup! Stop by the receptionist’s desk and she’ll give you a coupon for a free ice cream cone.
2. I’m just temping here until I can get a full-time hostess position at The Olive Garden.
1. Turn your head and cough.–Katherine O’Brien