Top 10 Things About Having a Mastectomy

Hard to believe it has almost been a year. Here is my list from then:

Top 10 Things About Having a Mastectomy

10. Considerable water and time savings as self breast exam in shower is abbreviated.

9. Can vie for Olympic medal in archery because like the Amazons of Greek mythology I, too, am unilateral.

8. Lucrative shoplifting opportunities as security personnel manning closed circuit dressing room cameras will be too stunned to react.

7. Potential for right breast to compensate for missing one by doubling its sensitivity.

6. Will make out like a bandit if the Breast Fairy pays in the same ballpark as contemporary Tooth Fairy.

5. Scars are the latest fashion accessory, thanks to the popularity of the “Harry Potter” franchise.

4. Inability to use regular antiperspirant and shave armpit due to radiation restrictions will give me an air of French sophistication.

3. One less thing to get stuck in the wringer.

2. Enhanced competitiveness in YMCA pick up basketball games as I can now play for either shirts or skins, provided no one looks too closely.

1. Missing breast may be covered under my homeowner’s policy.


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